Tightly Closed Book My first blog. Be nice, darlings.

Jude Law’s publicist released a statement acknowledging the fact that Law has fathered a child by an unnamed woman. The statement is exceedingly polite:

“Jude Law can confirm that, following a relationship last year, he has been advised that he is to be the father of a child due in the fall of this year,” the statement said.

“Mr. Law is no longer in a relationship with the individual concerned but he intends to be a fully supportive part of the child’s life. This is an entirely private matter and no other statements will be made.”

What follows is what I suspect Law actually thought about the situation.

Oh, man, that bird I banged last year is pregnant. Shite. She just called me and said, “Hey, that sex that we had when you were drunk and I was easy? That made a baby and it’s too late to convince me not to have it, so don’t even try.” Bollocks. I guess I should say we dated. Sounds better than shagged in a pub toilet.

All you blokes out there, keep your dick in your pants. This shite is expensive.